October

October. It is my very favorite month. It is the month of my birthday, and of Halloween. It is the month of pumpkins. The month where fall colors come out to play. The month where the air finally starts to smell like fall. It's not too cold, but you're pretty much guaranteed that any lingering summer weather is gone for good. It's the month where watching scary movies is the norm, where whiskey starts to taste just right, the month where nostalgia feels at home, and long walks in the autumn light make you feel like a poet. It is, by all rights, the best month ever. And I am so fucking glad it's almost over.

Why, you might ask?

It's gotta be the political season, right? You're glad the election's almost over so you can stop being annoyed by all the rampant divisive talk on the internet, right?

No, see, the election's in November, and I'm not fool enough to think that politics will stop being stupid when it's over. I'm talking about something that will be out of my life, for good, come November first.

I'm talking, of course, about the MTV Push ad for Karmin. (I tried to find a link for it to no avail. If you're terribly curious, or have somehow missed it, just go to comedycentral.com to watch anything, you'll see it)

Yes, this ad that I am forced to see every time I watch The Daily Show or Colbert (I live in Japan right now, so watching them on TV is not an option). This ad in which the female half of the duo gets only two legitimate lines. The rest is just her obnoxiously trying to cut in and talk, while all she's supposed to do is stand there (or walk like an idiot) and be cutesy eye candy. But she won't shut up! And he just can't deal with it anymore! I feel you, bro. Everyone knows girls are best seen, not heard. She keeps messing everything up, too! I love it when she scratches her head and asks, "what's the line?" It's so funny, because it's HIS line, stupid girl! No wonder that in the end, he has to resort to physically putting his hand over her mouth so she will finally shut the hell up. I mean, come on!

Side note, it's even better if you watch it with the sound off, which I do most of the time.

MTV, thank you. Thank you for making my favorite month an almost daily reminder that girls are dumb, and when they interrupt the male line of discourse, we all secretly wish we could just clamp their mouths shut. Amiright?

While there's no guarantee that November will be better, it can't get much worse. Can it?