Today

Despair is what happens when resiliency becomes a curse. When the fact that we will go on, there will be more, and all is not lost becomes a reality that no longer soothes our pain, but rather expands into a never ending vista of continued demoralization. I am prone to this type of thinking, and I will fight against it, for the sake of everything I hold dear, I will. But not today. 

Today I will feel it. 

There is no humor in today.

Today I will let the knowledge sink in that half of my country feels that me, my friends, many members of my family, and millions more ought to be considered by our government as less-than. 

I am staring at an expanse of rape cases, domestic violence cases, police shootings, anti-Muslim violence, anti-immigrant violence, deportations, anti-LGBTQ violence, ALL without the pathetic amount of good faith in the criminal justice system I had before last night. And I do not know how to have hope when looking at that. 

Every woman, every queer person, POC, and person with disabilities in this country had their humanity on the ballot, which is in itself painful enough. And our neighbors, our coworkers, our families voted against it.

So if you are someone who can smile or laugh today without sadness, without grim resolve, or without desperation in your eyes, then I cannot know you today. Give me some time and we can come back together, and I will likely forgive you your callousness, but I will not forget.

I will hold you to account. 

For not taking our lives seriously. 

I will not shake my head or roll my eyes or brush it off. 

There will be no fucks given for politeness.

Because you seem to think this was a choice.

That this was an election.

That this wasn't a witch hun,.

A lynching,

A cross-burning,

That Trump invited us all to join.

And our countrymen and women either signed up or didn't care.

I promise you this, though.

You haven't fucking seen nasty yet.