On the Internalized Misogyny of Women's Nobility

We were looking at a Judy Chicago piece in my art history class. It was replete with imagery celebrating the vagina, vulva on a dinner table, daring the viewer to cry "obscenity!" and expose a double standard long at play: women's bodies are the pinnacle of artistic subject matter when depicted longingly by a male artist, but when a woman depicts her own body, it is vulgar. We talked a lot about mother-goddess archetypes, and I raised my hand to say, "but a pedestal is also a prison." It was a pithy statement that covered all manner of sins: from the codes of chivalry to the focus on a woman's reproductive capacity as the source of her power. But there is another pedestal women stand upon that is subtler, and more ingrained in the attitudes of even the most defiant women among us: the concept of female nobility.

It is the idea of endurance, of bearing the burden, the steadiness of composure in difficult circumstances, and the mythical transformation of lemons into lemonade. Nevertheless, she persisted. But persisted in doing what, precisely?

To be able to make the best out of a bad situation is certainly an admirable quality, but seeing it as the embodiment of women's strength is as stifling as any other gendered confinement. Because it demands a passivity to women's labor. We work regardless. We smooth things over. We placate. We excuse. We enable.

To hold one's head aloft in a sea of injustices is noble, and stoicism is part of this kind of nobility. Yet it is not essential. Nobility of purpose will always be more admirable than nobility of demeanor.

I would further argue that there is a fine line between a noble demeanor and graceful demeanor. Nobility is the defiance inherent in maintaining one's integrity regardless of circumstance, not the silencing of grievances, nor the pat apologies for the inconvenience of one's existence.

But I am thinking of nobility of purpose on this day. Yesterday was International Women's Day, and in a statement against the devaluing of women's work, there was a national women's strike. To highlight the value of women in our society, women across the nation sat out in order to offer a glimpse of what life without women would be like.

And some conservative women have scolded those who partook in the display by citing the noble strength of women to tough it out. They call the participants whiners. The privileged women who can "afford" to take time off of work, like it was a vacation. Like it wasn't a sacrifice they deemed worthy for the sake of the cause.

Don't get me wrong, there are certainly women who fall into the category of privileged who stayed home. But assuming that the ability to participate is necessarily a privilege is itself a privileged position. You are talking about work as though everyone has a 9-5 job, rather than service industry professionals, say, with flexible schedules. You are also assuming that people did not budget for their absence by sacrificing a sick day or a vacation day. Or that, barring those options, they took the financial hit because the work of women's rights was worth the burden of the extra financial stress. And aren't they then noble for their ability to carry on regardless of the cut in their pay? No, I suppose not, since it was a burden they chose for themselves, rather than one men have demanded they carry.

Because the thing about admiring women's ability to persevere, and lauding that as the ultimate expression of women's power, is that it inextricably ties a woman's power to the inequality she must endure. If nobly shouldering the burden of injustice is our most admirable quality, what happens if that burden is eradicated? Is a CEO less powerful because she didn't have to endure sexual harassment? Is a teacher less noble if she gets paid a decent wage? This is a problem we don't seem to have with doctors, by the way. But when care-taking is a predominantly female field, the sacrifice of pay is considered necessary to maintaining the nobility of the work. 

And so battling for equal pay, equal opportunity, and a work environment free of sexist hostility is considered "whining." Because we are refusing to grin and bear it, and instead are daring to suggest that requiring women to bear a burden men do not is unjust. If a child complains because she has on one occasion been given a smaller portion than her brother, it may be fair to call that "whining." But if a child recognizes a pattern in which she continually is given less than her brother, she is calling out an injustice. 

So let me come back to the nobility of purpose. What is the purpose of stoicism or gentility in regard to inequality? Whom does it serve? In general, we ascribe nobility to that which demands sacrifice on our part for the sake of others. There are certainly women who chose not to participate yesterday because they felt the sacrifice would unfairly burden their students, or their patients, or their families. And I've got words for anyone who chastises those women. But this was a very particular protest, utilizing a very particular tactic, and there is a great irony in the fact that the more the loss would be felt, and therefore the bolder the statement, the more shame is heaped upon the woman who chose to participate. But what about in a broader sense, because the women criticizing this protest don't just criticize this one, but in fact condemn all of them?

What does it mean to smile through the gendered disrespect, the sexual harassment, the devaluing of our work? Is it truly noble? Whom does it serve? It certainly serves ourselves, because it is always easier to go with the flow than it is to disrupt it. And it serves the comfort of those who participate in our subjugation. Forgive me if I fail to see the nobility in that purpose. To speak out against disrespect, harassment, and the devaluing of women's work is to sacrifice your safety and security, perhaps your job and your privacy, for the sake of the women who will come after you. To demand equal treatment is not selfish; it is a far more dangerous path than patient endurance, and the benefits may never be felt by those who do, but we have faith that our efforts may benefit future generations. I find a great nobility in that purpose, and a great strength in the women who engage in it.